Lessons from Andy Griffith

Sandy told me a story about something that happened earlier this week at daycare. M, who's 3, was dumping sand on the other kids, including Colin. The next day, Colin dumped a shovelful of sand on M. Sandy told M that the reason why he shouldn't dump sand on the littler kids is because they learn that they should do it too.

My first reaction when Sandy told me the story was, "Atta boy, Colin!" I said it out loud. But then no sooner than I said it, I began to doubt if I should say it at all. As a teacher, I constantly tell students that they need to "use their words" to work out problems. If someone is bugging them, they need to tell them to stop, not to use their hands or be aggressive. I teach the students the golden rule. Treat others how you want to be treated. Schools suspend and expel students for aggressive behavior.

As a parent, I want Colin to stand up for himself. If someone isn't treating him nicely, I want him to be able to show the bully who's boss. Even if it means just "getting him back" by giving him a taste of his own medicine.

As I was thinking this through, I was reminded of a classic Andy Griffith Show episode, titled "Opie and the Bully." The bully, Sheldon, meets Opie on the street before school and bullies him into giving him his nickel for milk or he'll get a knuckle sandwich. Every day, Opie asks two adults (Aunt Bee, Andy, or Barney) for a nickel. But the adults don't know that he's getting two every day--one for Sheldon, and one for himself. Barney finds out that Opie is being bullied and tells Andy. Opie doesn't know that Andy knows when they go fishing together...

Click here...for the in-a-nutshell lesson, watch 3:00 through 7:15.

...Opie shows up at the courthouse later that day with a shiner on his eye, and exclaims, "Ain't it a beaut?!" He tells his dad that it didn't hurt, and that he laughed. Then he lit into Sheldon like a tornado. And I bet Sheldon didn't bother Opie for a nickel anymore. Opie's shiner went away, and I can rightfully assume that Sheldon's did too.

Of course, most little playground disputes can be settled using only words. But as we know from recent headlines, there's a certain point where words just don't work anymore. Apparently schools aren't doing enough, either. Even with the anti-bully messages/lessons/programs that are circulating throughout. What's wrong with a knuckle sandwich once in a lifetime? Black eyes heal, and the lessons that are taught by getting them are sometimes worth it.

What I love most about this episode is that Andy didn't go calling Sheldon's parents saying, "My little Opie tells me that your mean Sheldon is being a bully and taking nickels away from him every day before school. What are you (or we) going to do about this?" He lets Opie settle it for himself and teaches him to stand up for himself and don't let a bully push him around. I highly doubt that just because Opie did it once, he'll do it over and over again to anybody who is ever mean to him.

Funny how a minor sandbox squabble can get you to think about your kid as school-aged and having to deal with life's decisions on his own, isn't it?

What do you think? Does a bully deserve a knuckle sandwich every once in awhile? Or should we stick to words?